


Dear Carmen

by Active_Imagination



Series: Loss, and Letters To Those Left Behind [4]
Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Post-Season/Series 02, suicide note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27355339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Active_Imagination/pseuds/Active_Imagination
Summary: Johnny's letter to Carmen
Relationships: Carmen Diaz & Johnny Lawrence, Carmen Diaz/Johnny Lawrence
Series: Loss, and Letters To Those Left Behind [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979749
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	Dear Carmen

There's so much I want to say to you, but I don't have the words. 

I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant for Miguel to get hurt. All I ever wanted was to make sure he was tough enough to survive this world. I was trying to help. But maybe intentions don't matter, because I have screwed up so badly and now the kids are paying the price. It isn't fair. 

I would do anything to take back what happened. To think my boy has Miguel's blood on his hands, I know how that kind of guilt can destroy a man. And Robby is a good man. I don't want you blaming him for the accident. You can hate me all you want, just please don't hate Robby. I know he never meant to hurt Miguel. He was just hurting, and I never taught him how to deal with that. I don't know how to deal with it myself. 

And now you're hurting, and I would do anything I could to take that pain from you. You are the last person I would ever want to hurt. You have been so kind to me. You and Miguel and Rosa, you showed me what a real family was like. Even more, you invited me into your home. Nobody has ever really done that before. You taught me so much, and I'm not sure if I ever thanked you.

Your son changed my life. You have to know that. I was a nobody before he asked me to be his sensei. He gave me purpose. He gave me hope. He taught me so much. And he listened to me when I realized I was wrong, not holding my words against me. He opened my mind, and my heart. They were both pretty closed until he blustered his way into my life. 

I love Miguel like he was my own. Like I should have loved Robby. Like I do, I just didn't know how to show it until Miguel let me. They should never have been enemies. They should have been brothers. If I was a better man, they would have been. I know I deserve your hate. I hate myself for what I've done to them both. I just wanted to protect them. I know I failed. 

I have no right to ask anything of you. I know that. I'm determined to fix things, to undo some of the damage I've done. But I might not make it back home, and I don't want Robby to think that I abandoned him, not again. 

You are the only person I trust, Carmen. His mom is just as much of a mess as I was, before I met Miguel. Robby is a good kid, he just needs someone there for him. I am so scared he will end up like me, but he wouldn't, not if he knew you. 

I understand if it's too painful for you. You don't have to. You have your own boy to protect. Miguel is so lucky to have you as a mom. But please, if I don't come home, please make sure Robby gets my letter, at least. 

I trust you.

I might even be a little in love with you. 

Your kindness, and your patience, and your beauty, will always be something I carry in my heart.

Eternal gratitude, and deepest sorrow,

Johnny. x


End file.
